My days were filled with despair and disappointment. I was shutting off and simultaneously struggling for existence. I knew, If I cannot prevent the pain, at least I can try to alleviate it.
So I threw the textbook version of depression and started looking for real life stories. I read every single blog on depression and watched countless YouTube videos. It was amazing to see that so many successful people went through the same pain and defeated it with courage.
This cleared one thing, that there is no instruction book for curing depression. Few basics that you can follow and rest you have to figure out what works for you. I planned not to opt for medicines yet, as I wanted to exhaust my other options first, which were –
- I pondered on past few years of my life in which I suffered a lot, both personally and professionally. I figured out that I reached a level of mental exhaustion where a little exam stress made me fall off the edge. Finally, I unveiled my cause, which was relieving and made me plan accordingly.
- I was always spiritual and knew how to achieve some peace of mind through meditation, so I started applying my long-lost knowledge. In this process, I forgave some people and let go off few things that mentally tormented me.
- I used to put on nice soothing music and take warm and relaxing long bath. Listened to innumerable self-motivational speeches especially while getting ready and before going to sleep.
- I changed my sleeping pattern and started waking up early, without taking any sleeping pills as they tend to add to your existing depression.
- I did things that made me happy and stopped worrying about situations that were out of my control. I started making my gratitude list and read it over and again.
For this entire spell, I could not step out of the house due to the fear of having a panic attack. After following my self-help regime religiously for 2 months, I regained some of my lost confidence and planned a dinner with friends.
My cab was downstairs and as I was about to leave the room, I had a panic attack, my breathing increased as if someone was smothering me. All the blood rushed to my face, I couldn’t feel my legs and the wave of fear was caught up in my stomach.
I paused for a while to calm my distorted nerves and told my self that I have worked so hard to reach where I am today, finally able to have a normal conversation with people I love. I won’t back down, not now, so I gathered myself and took that final step out of the gate.