Digital Infidelity​ – Are You a Victim

It was a hot summer morning, Mira woke up with a heavy head, trying to collect some air to breathe, her eyes swollen badly because of unstoppable tears. The previous night was distressing, tossing on the bed, even after trying hard she could not shut doors of her mind and sleep. She wanted to speak to the guy she calls her husband, who was in deep slumber beside her, without having any idea of Mira’s predicaments. All the past memories started flooding through her mind, the first day Mira casually picked up her husband’s cell phone to check some random pictures and ended up on some wrong files. It was her husband’s conversation with his so called female friend and the conversation was rather not that friendly. The newly married Mira hardly knew how to react. She started co relating the sequence of past events—- The late night conversations of her husband in locked washrooms, his endless call waitings before the wedding, the old emails she found on his laptop. Mira reassured herself thinking that may be it’s his past that would have no effect on her present. With the passing time, the years faded but the effect of past never faded. Once or twice Mira did try to speak to her husband but he shunned her off saying that they are just friends and these conversations and phone calls are just for fun. Random adult talks with your ex cannot be normal, but in a fear to lose her mental peace Mira always consoled herself by giving self-explanations. In this entire process, she never realized that her marriage has only soared with time. She almost lost her self-confidence and became short tempered affecting both her personal as well professional life. The soft spoken Mira turned into a rude and a highly stressed female. She never realized that what she is going through is nothing but a form of infidelity.

Yes, it is a new form of infidelity which is very common these days and when I talk about infidelity it is not restricted to physical intimacy only, as this type also gives an equal amount of mental stress to the victim. Nowadays in the era of active social networking with anonymity, infidelity has spread its wings and has taken new forms. So, I suggest that before you get totally stuck in it, it is better to nip it in the bud. To throw some more light on this issue we have listed few basic and most commonly used excuses and explanations given by the cheating partner:

#1 It’s just a healthy flirting— Flirting is never healthy especially when it is crossing all the limits. We each have our own boundaries, so flirting could be a broader concept, but if it involves sexting or even eats up all the time saved for family, then it’s an issue.

#2 You are my partner, obviously, you are more important— The most cliched line ever used. You don’t have to be more important, in a normal committed relationship you should be the most important person in your partner’s life.

#3 Self-explanations— Please don’t be in denial phase, you don’t have to give any explanations to yourself. You are the best creation of God and have got the best intuitions, so just follow the path your intuitions guide you to.

#4 You are over reacting— No you are not at all over reacting, you are not Orthodox or insane. You are a very sane person who is questioning their partner about their undying interest in their virtual social world.

#5 I hardly meet the other person— It’s not about being in physical contact with the person if someone is crossing his or her limits even without meeting the other person, It’s equally questionable.

#6 I keep my phone locked because I need my personal space— Personal space is not limited to phone or laptops and especially when these passwords are being applied only after you came to your partner’s life. If a person jumps like a monkey as you come anywhere near his so called personal gadgets, there is something to worry about.

#7 At least I am better than people who casually sleep around with anyone— There are no comparisons when it comes to cheating in a relationship. Any kind and degree of infidelity are simply unacceptable. There is a line which if crossed is considered cheating.

#8 You hardly have any time for me— If your partner is busy with office or home that doesn’t mean that you will start finding the happiness in someone else. You will have to put an end to the blame game and try to make things normal with your partner rather than squandering around.

Digital infidelity has reached epidemic proportions and has already caused many relationship failures. Every second couple in the world is dealing with this problem. It works like a slow poison that once seeps in and kills the entire relationship.The main reason for its expansion is an easy access to virtual life and the person feels more comfortable with it, as there is no face to face conversations. The one major problem is that person who is betraying has no idea that he/she is on the wrong path until the entire relationship is ruined forever. The only way to deal with this problem is to identify the early signs of it and refraining yourself from overindulgence in the digital world. For this try and make your real world more lively so that the fantasies of the virtual world cease to exist. Try to work out things and confusions with your partner instead of finding easy alternatives. Make certain rules for optimum use of gadgets and self-moral policing is very important. You should be very clear about rights and wrongs in any relationship, just don’t modify rules according to your convenience. Remember one thing that your partner is your most treasured possession and don’t lose it because of some impatient naive actions for momentary pleasures.

 

MEGHA SHARMA

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